Survivor # 2: Kasey's Story

"It all began when I was about 13. I realized that I am bisexual. I fell into a depression because I was so afraid that my family would never accept me and I started cutting myself. As time went on the cutting got more and more frequent. I also fell in and out of other disorders such as anorexia and bulemia. I hated myself because I couldn't understand how I could do that to my parents. I thought it was my fault and my worst fear was them being disapointed in me. About a year later (and by this time I was cutting almost any chance I got and barely eating anythng) I was a freshman in highschool. My parents found a note from one of my friends asking me not to kill myself. When my mom confronted me one morning before school, I tried to brush it off as nothing serious. That I was just joking. She wouldn't believe me. That day was the worst day of my life. I eventually broke down and told her about my bisexuality and the look of disgust on her face was unbearable. Dad came home later that day and we all sat down for a little 'talk'. Mainly it was just them talking and me sitting there feeling hurt. They told me how gay people are promiscuous perverted freaks and that they all go to hell. They said that if that was the life I 'chose' I would no longer be their daughter. They told me that if I were to kill myself I was just being selfish and they wouldn't even come to my funeral. They threatened to throw me out or send me to a military academy far away. They banned me from listening to music, which was everything to me. Then they decided they could 'fix' me and that it was just peer pressure making me think those things. That day I had my first panic attack. They pulled me out of school and wouldn't let me speak to any of my friends again. Mom called my best friend who told her about my cutting. She started checking me to make sure I didn't cut anymore, but that only made me find new places to cut. I soon gave up on God. At first I hated him, but eventually I just denied his existence altogether.

Over the next four years I convinced my parents that everything was fine and they were right, it had just been peer pressure. I was living a lie. The pressure to be who they wanted me to be was killing me. My cutting got worse and worse until eventually it didn't do anything for me so I turned to other, more harmful things such as burning myself and beating myself up. Panic attacks became a frequent thing. My mental state was falling apart and I was on the verge of insanity if not already insane.

Kasey is now in college, and is now in a healthy relationship with a man she believes God put in her life. She states, "[He] helped me find God again, he helped me see how beautiful and amazing I really am" She is now closer to God, and has been for five months now. "Now when I think of the past I don't shove away the memories and the pain and pretend like it never happened. I confront it and deal with it. My wounds, physical and emotional, are not completely healed yet, but will soon be that way."

Kasey, too, is a survivor.